Mrs. Judgy-Pants!
On the road to spiritual awakening, I am constantly trying to question my current reality, what is programming, what are my true desires, and forgiving and releasing the old stuck energy signatures in my body. One tool that I use with my clients is becoming aware of your thoughts, that ever present chatter within. If you have not done this yet, I invite you to just notice, try and pick out the patterns. It’s very eye-opening.
NOTICING THE INNER VOICE
As I’ve noticed my inner dialog, what was becoming abundantly clear is that I am Mrs. Judgy-Pants! Now, if you’re my friend or client please know that I am not judging you. I tend to save my better than thou attitude for strangers, usually people that I know I will never meet. People on facebook, in traffic, on the news or my exs. So, when I decided to write about judgment, a few questions came up: Are there different types of judgments, if I say that someone looks nice today is that a judgment? What is the difference between a judgment, our values, or an observation? And the big one, how do I look at judgment from a unity consciousness perspective?
JUDGEMENTS, VALUES, AND OBSERVATIONS
Before we get into this, let's clear up the difference between judgment, values, and observations. According to Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, author of Nonviolent Communication, there are two types of judgements, or personal evaluations: moralistic judgements and value judgments. In the book Rosenberg states,
“ …the use of moralistic judgements that imply wrongness or badness on the part of people who don't act in harmony with our values. Such judgments are reflected in language: “The problem with you is that you are too selfish””
And value judgements;
“Value judgements reflect our beliefs on how life can best be served. We make moralistic judgments of people and behaviors that fail to support our value judgments, for example, “People who kill are evil””
Unfortunately, we as a society have been so accustomed, or programmed, to judge or place our personal evaluation upon others and ourselves, that we don’t even notice when we are trying to use judgements as an effective form of communication and are seemingly unaware that this type of communication leads to defensiveness, hurt feelings, and further feelings of separation from your fellow human beings.
Observations, on the other hand, are simply what you observe with your eyes, ears, or other senses. In his book, Rosenberg makes an analogy between what a camera picks up versus adding your personal evaluation to what you notice. An example of an evaluation is, “You always work too much.” Whereas, using observations, that same message can be said, “You come home late 3-5 nights a week.” An even more effective way to communicate is to state our feelings with an observation, for example: “You come home late 3-5 nights per week and I feel lonely.” In this example, the speaker is taking responsibility for their feelings by stating ‘I’ feel, vs. ‘you’ make me feel. Another form of nonviolent communication is the practice of active listening and simply reflecting back what the person has just said, thereby allowing that person to feel heard or seen
ENTER SELF HYPNOSIS
When we look at judgment from the standpoint of oneness or unity consciousness, we notice that judgments are simply a form of projection. According to Britannica:
“[Projection is] the mental process by which people attribute to others what is in their own minds.”
When we are projecting our beliefs or values onto others, we create the opportunity to view the reflection of what is going on in our minds and is coming up for forgiveness and release. For example, when I judge someone for racing down the freeway, driving recklessly, and “putting all of our lives in danger” I have the opportunity to stop and recognize that I hold that judgment because that energy, even though I no longer practice reckless driving, still lives within me. When I reflect on what it is that I am protesting, it is my judgment that that person doesn't care about anyone but themselves, in other words, they see separateness. Or, I feel scared when I can not control the behavior of other drivers, or I do not trust. Ok, now the work begins… Where in my life do I see separateness? And where does that feeling of lack of control live in my body, and/or where in my life do I have resistance to trust ….[ENTER A DEEP DIVE INTO SELF HYPNOSIS]
FORGIVING THE VOICE
Of course, this practice does not help me to excuse reckless driving, I still feel it to be dangerous, but it does help me temper my reaction from that of Mrs. Judgy-Pants to a softer, more compassionate Miss Forgiveness - Pants, as I begin to understand, work with, and release the energy signatures trapped within my body.
Nonviolent Communication is an effective and systematic approach to the use of language as a means to cultivate compassion and connection with other members of our society, encouraging unity consciousness rather than separateness.
“When we focus on clarity, what is being observed, felt or needed rather than on diagnosing or judging we discover the depth of our own compassion.” Marshall Rosenberg, PhD
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